


run

by fated_addiction



Category: K-pop, Korean Actor RPF, Real Person Fiction, SM Entertainment | SMTown, So Nyuh Shi Dae | Girls' Generation, 소녀시대 | Girls' Generation | SNSD
Genre: F/F, Lowercase, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-20 15:57:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6015247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fated_addiction/pseuds/fated_addiction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>nothing says valentine's day like a wrinkled, red napkin and a phone number, smudged under a grease stain and beer spot.</i> </p><p>Taeyeon can never handle her liquor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	run

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Valentine's Day on my phone. When waiting for my train while trying to ignore the fact that it's below zero and has been all day.
> 
> I totally was going to to change the lowercase, but then I stopped myself and sort of went with it. Because I totally admit that I dig the aesthetic. Anyways, enjoy! And happy V-Day!

-

 

 

nothing says valentine's day like a wrinkled, red napkin and a phone number, smudged under a grease stain and beer spot.

"seriously," she complains, slurs actually, tastes the rest of her throat with a sigh: "this may, no _is_ the worst idea you've ever had -"

taeyeon rolls her eyes. "you called me," she interrupts.

"whatever." jessica holds a hand up. "we're going to get caught." she pauses, smiling at the old woman at the counter. her face transforms back into a frown. "and you're going to get your pretty little behind into t-r-o-u-b-le and i'm going to ask if i've seen the error of my ways and am coming back to girls' generation."

"have you?" taeyeon asks, then stops, wide-eyed. the room isn't spinning yet; she is just a little bolder. jessica is two shots ahead of her and she's totally confused who is having a bad day. inkigayo was a success. she has a text to prove it.

jessica narrows her eyes. "i'm drunk but i'm not stupid."

this isn't how it starts.

 

 

 

about two weeks ago she was in thailand, not seoul or at an f(x), like she wanted to be, but commitment, commitment, commitment, and on stage, there was sooyoung, then tiffany prancing around and giggling under the high that is their live stage, she gets a text message in the middle of hashtagging an instagram video with #ALWAYS or something equally cheesy because she's nerd.

she sort of trips over herself though, giggles, then promptly stops giggling too because on her phone screen there is JESSICA JUNG and TEXT MESSAGE like an omen, waiting for her, in the middle of when she is kim taeyeon, girls' generation leader and not kim taeyeon, regular awkward citizen of the world.

"what's with the face!" yells tiffany, across the stage, and taeyeon forces herself to brighten, grinning and waving her phone around, turning her flashlight to hide everything.

"i'm an old man!" she yells into the microphone and then fans start chanting IT'S TOTALLY FINE because good, ol' loveable taeyeon is so not as technically savvy like the rest of the girls. someone has to be ninety years old in this family, she tells herself.

but it isn't until after the stage, after they pile into pictures and send the same picture to each other that she finally sees the text again, sees that JESSICA JUNG is something she didn't imagine. she quietly finds the text, blinks, and then sighs as she rereads it.

_listen to your voicemail. i'm yelling._

oh.

she waits until she gets to her hotel room, alone this trip, not because she wanted to but because she arrived last and she hates rooming alone with her head. it's balmy weather though. she peels back the screen to the balcony door and watches the empty pool area, the surreal glow from the lights sinking to the glass and the wallpaper behind her. her skin is sticky. she should probably shower.

instead, she presses _listen_ on her phone and steels herself.

"you suck," comes jessica's voice, jessica's actual voice, tinged and sharp. she slurs into her next breath. "like, seriously, you suck so hard because these girls worked themselves to the bones and yet, because it's soojungie, _my_ soojungie, no one is like HEY gg is sending flowers or -"

"sooyeon-ah!"

she hears a muffle shriek, a laugh, and then sound of hands battling each other. it sounds like sisters. there's a nervous, lonely pang that knots itself into taeyeon's belly.

a door shuts. jessica returns. "look," she sighs. "i think it's time we talk. for real this time. over food and alcohol because i'm going to need a lot of alcohol to talk to you. which," she pauses and laughs at herself, something that kind of pulls at taeyeon, forces her to blush and sigh, because the sound is nice, really nice. jessica's vocie lowers. "or i dare you to call me back," she says. "which you probably won't do."

taeyeon stares at her reflection in the glass door. the strap of her bra peeks out from under her t-shirt. she tries not to check her watch. _i dare you_.

"you idiot," she says and doesn't recognize her voice.

jessica's voicemail has a quirk and responds.

"ask me the address," she says.

 

 

 

ten minutes later, in bed, her fingers are moving.

_address?_

 

 

 

 

 

now or never, really.

jessica takes the paper crown out of the empty fried chicken basket. "this is like a drama," she comments, leans forward, and puts the paper crown onto taeyeon's head.

she laughs, flushed. taeyeon downs another shot, shaking her head.

"i can't believe i'm still drinking with you," taeyeon says, rubs her eyes, and of course, she's an angsty drunk.

her head is sort of swimming. she can't remember who was here first (her) and who got drunk faster (her) but the old lady making the chicken is giving them free alcohol ("omo girls generation!!!!!!!!") and _letting_ them pay for the chicken ("seriously," jessica charms lazily, "it wouldn't be right, ajumma...") and a few side dishes.

"we never drank together." jessica leans over the table, adjusting the crown. her fingers drag against taeyeon's jaw. her fingers are softer than she remembers. kinder, even. taeyeon's eyes are drawn to jessica's mouth. "i mean, i know you can't handle your liquor -" taeyeon snorts and a slow, pretty smile manages to sneak onto jessica's lips. "but," she finishes, "this is nice."

taeyeon shrugs, blushing. "you said you were going to yell at me."

valentine's day is the worst, she decides. to spite, jessica takes a picture of her and the stupid crown. lopsided on her head, probably. there is a red heart in the middle of it. it's supposed to be the jewel, or whatever. the ajumma told them that there was a sale at the party store down the street.

"i forgot." jessica shrugs. "you're too pretty to yell at right now."

truth: jessica has a hard time lying. always has. taeyeon knows this because she was the first to know that she was leaving, that she had made up her mind that she was leaving. she just didn't know when. taeyeon isn't proud of how she handled it. how she started speaking SM lawyer and commodity and said _well you have to choose_ and will forever be haunted by the quiet, angry response she got back from jessica, her eyes rimmed red because jessica only cries when she's angry. or something happens with soojungie. never anything else.

but when she tells taeyeon that she's pretty, all those feelings come back, slowly, painfully, come back, crawling out of her belly, into her throat, and lodge themselves behind her teeth and against her tongue. we're ready, they say. fuck you, taeyeon trembles.

"it's the hair," she manages weakly. she pours them both another shot of soju. jessica pushes glass into taeyeon's. "everyone likes the short hair," she mumbles, pulling at few strands.

jessica shrugs. "i can see your neck," she says. "i like seeing your neck." she leans over the table. she smells sweet and sticky. the fried chicken hasn't made them sick yet. but jessica's finger drags along taeyeon's throat. "and this spot," she murmurs. she taps her finger against her collarbone. "sometimes i just want to bite it," she says.

oh okay. taeyeon's body has other ideas: she turns into jessica's hand, leans into her fingers, and thinks to herself we should probably go because all she wants to do is kiss her right now, be eighteen year old taeyeon who knew she was in love with jessica jung, who knew ice princess was such a stupid name, but they all had to have nicknames and this was the only one she could think of, until she regretted it, following the angry, disappointed pink that spread across jessica's cheeks.

"let's get out of here," she mumbles, grabs jessica's wrist with her fingers, and tosses too much money on their table because god, ajumma, sorry you had to put up with so much of their stuff.

they've never been productive together anyway.

 

 

 

 

 

taeyeon has a new apartment. like ten days old new. like stupidly empty new because she's at the dorm, mostly, then at her parents' a lot more, and then at sooyoung's because she was dog sitting that one time.

but her apartment is lonely, empty, with a big, beautiful white couch and a buddha head because taengoo-yah, you have to be aesthetic in your ripe, old age of nearing thirty, sooyoung told her with a sharp grin. it needs a lot of love, pianos and family pictures, and color because taeyeon really likes blue and a garden for the kitchen planter and twinkle lights! she loves twinkle lights. nerd.

"so you live here," jessica says finally, feet bare and eating fries out of a paper bag. taeyeon is pouring more soju. why the hell not.

"not yet," she admits. she's still wearing that stupid paper crown. "they want me to have my own space for writing music."

jessica nods. "makes sense."

"i guess."

taeyeon is quiet, walks over the rest of the soju, but doesn't really feel like drinking, downs her shot anyway and watches jessica do the same. she reaches forward, pushing herself onto her toes, a nervous habit, and pushing jessica's bangs away from her eyes.

"we're a mess," she says. " a big mess."

jessica swallows. "are you surprised?" she asks and maybe this is how they're going to talk about things, really talk about things. jessica downs the rest of her soju too. "i mean," she adds. she looks away. "i hate thinking that you're punishing my sister for -"

"we're not." taeyeon is firm. she swallows too. her hand presses into jessica's hip. "if anything, we wanted to go." she shakes her head. " _i_ wanted to go. everything is a mess and it's like... i forgot to navigate. you would have been better than this than me."

"no." jessica shakes her head. her voice is softer. her lips part and god, taeyeon is going to kiss her. not think about kissing her. "there's a reason why you're you," she says quietly. "and i'm just me."

"you're not just you -"

jessica laughs. and the sounds a little closer than she realizes. then she realizes that she's moved closer to jessica, that her mouth is just right there, really right there, all pink and flushed and she can see her tongue slide out, press into her teeth. and fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. she can't even think.

"i am," she says. her voice is low and her fingers curling around the back of jessica's neck. "i am just me," she says, and she leans in, mouth pressing into jessica's.

it's not the kiss she imagined. maybe it's not even the one they are supposed to have. she kisses jessica for the first time like it's not the first time: she's languish, her teeth sniping at her mouth, then her tongue pressing back against jessica's, sweeping to lap away at the sweetness from the alcohol. there is a low moan. her belly knots into heat and taeyeon presses into her, her other hand sliding from her shoulder, down along the plane of her back, only to settle against the curve of her ass.

she's dizzy. she feels like she is going to throw up. there's weight over her knees and her legs are shaking, buckling and it feels like she's writing a song, the song, panicking all the way through it because it's just another part of herself, a tangible part, that is going to get lost along the way.

then jessica breaks back. there is this light in her eyes. or she doesn't remember them being this bright, wet even. but her gaze is open, crumbling, and she takes a step back.

"go to japan," she says. jessica's voice trembles and something in her almost snaps. "please," she says quietly. 

taeyeon doesn't remember if she agrees.

 

 

 

 

 

this is how it starts:

it's three o'clock in the morning and taeyeon remembers how to use the internet.

she calls the general manager for snsd, then tiffany because it makes sense.

"i'm taking a couple of days off," she says.

 

 

 

 

 

someone sends a sake gift basket to her hotel room, plants it right next to a big, beautiful purple orchid, and a card that says GANBATTE and she can guess who it may or may not be. but she won't. she hates flying more.

she spends the next couple of hours instagraming her trip because this was the only way she could get the company to agree. she gets comments like omg! f(x) concert?!?! and knows that later on, she's going to be an idiot and buy a lot of merchandise because this is all a part of the game.

jessica's text message comes next:

shopping?

she replies with _do you think that's really a good idea though?_ and then sends her room number. ten minutes later, jessica is at her door, laptop folded into her chest, and stepping into her room.

"i didn't say what kind," she shrugs.

taeyeon laughs. it's a little too real.

 

 

 

 

 

five hours later and two bottles of sake, jessica has bought her massage chair for her birthday, almost convinced her to buy a birkin bag for hers in april, and they are watching someone trying to wrestle an octopus naked which, weirdly enough, is something so fascinating to taeyeon and she doesn't know why.

"you're a pervert," jessica says. seriously, even. her head is in taeyeon's lap. taeyeon cannot remember how it got there.

"i am _not_." she flushes and her eyes fall to jessica's hips, then her t-shirt as it slides up her belly. she forces herself to swallow. her fingers twist in the sheets. "it's just... like.. i don't know?"

jessica laughs huskily. "you're dirty."

"shut up," she mumbles and her hand flexes forward, shifts to slide into jessica's hair. she tries counting in her head: one, two, and her fingers slide from her hair to her belly. her hand hovers, then she tells herself, you're just going to pull her shirt down; instead, her fingers slide over her stomach, spreading in low and lazy circles.

"see -" jessica's breath catches. " _pervert._ "

she can't say anything. for someone who write songs, about love and relationships, her mouth drops over jessica's and it's painful and awkward, but her legs are quivering and she's ready to just peel everything else off.

"we're apparently better at this and -" this soft, strange sound comes out of jessica's mouth, into her mouth, and suddenly, their position shifts so that taeyeon's hand is between jessica's legs, flushed against her panties, and oh my god, she thinks, what is even happening.

"yeah." she manages something, her head spinning. she slides her thumb over jessica's thigh and jessica mews. "and drinking," she chokes a little, voice cracking. "we're super great at drinking."

they're a mess.

taeyeon ignores the fact that she should totally, absolutely not be doing this because someone is going to catch them and they are like the two most obvious people _ever_. on this planet as it is.

but she focuses: there is a love song along jessica's throat, and in that low light, taeyeon feels stupidly satisfied when her teeth break the skin on her throat and her fingers rotate between just _touching_ jessica's thigh and sliding her tongue into her mouth. she kisses her until her lips are bruised, dry, and panting because this is trouble, maybe even ten times worse if they do this sober. for sure, she thinks. for absolute sure.

they feel like kids again. and taeyeon can't bring herself to say it either.

i only came for you.

 

 

 

 

 

the night before she goes back to seoul - she's recording, of course - she sits beside jessica, watches f(x) take stage, sings and dances along, hiding under dark clothes and baseball caps with light sticks and light up headgear because this is how you do a concert the right way.

there's a song though that comes on, she can't remember which one. she keeps hearing when i'm alone over and over again, like it's some sort of subliminal message in her head. it's stupid, just stupid, and totally not about that. and anyways, she's sober, ten times more introspective, and leans into jessica, lacing their fingers together. stares at her when it's dark and purple and totally trippy - jessica is still the most beautiful thing she's ever seen.

"i'm sorry!" she yells, half-yells, and then leans into jessica, mouth against her ear. "i'm sorry," she says again.

jessica's fingers are in her hair like a smile. she feels her nails flick against her ear. "i know," she murmurs into her ear. jessica's mouth is hot and breathless. "i'm sorry too."

it's not perfect. it's certainly not linear; they never have been, she thinks to herself. but they are leaning into each other like they've never separated, like some of it makes sense, and it's just a little more that has to come and catch up. so this is how she kisses her, jessica, in the middle of a sea of fans, all singing along to a song that she likes, doesn't really know, drinking in the anonymity like a lifeline. because if they were two, different people. there would be a beginning. there would would be a first love and a reunion, as these things go. so she kisses her like that, through apologies, acknowledgments, and beginnings. because it's always beginnings with jessica.

she breaks away first. her throat is hoarse and jessica smiles, swirling in the lights.

"okay," she says.

taeyeon waits. then she laughs, smiling and tucking her hair behind her ear. "okay," she agrees.

her hand stays wrapped around jessica's.

 

 

 

 

 

at the airport, a blogger comments on her jeans. taeyeon already knows about the photo floating around, of her and an 'unidentified' friend. but a report asks her about the concert, stopping her just before her gate.

"how was it?"

taeyeon smiles, shrugging. "what i needed."

it makes the most sense.


End file.
